Presenting my Children

Today in Mass, Father Terry's homily was poignant. He said, in short, that parents worry about their children.  They worry when they're young, and they worry when they're grown.  And it's never been more true.  I'm going through a challenging time.  My strength and my patience and my grace is being tried.  I'm like everyone, and I forget to give my challenges to God.  I get caught up in my sorrow and my anger and sometimes it consumes me.  But then, once in awhile, God speaks to me.  Today, Father said that when we come to church, we present our children to God.  It hit me in the heart.  So I did. I presented my children, and my family to God.  I asked him to bless us and to heal us and restore us.  I feel comforted.  Ye who are weary, come home.

Crying a River

Earlier today, when I was watching the coverage on the manhunt for the Boston Marathon bombers, I was struck by how young Dzhokar Tsarnaev is.  He's a kid.  You know mine is almost 16, and that's hardly younger than this guy was.  The news stories are probably unreliable at this point, but it appears he was in the United States with his older brother, and his parents haven't lived here (but in Russia) for at least five years.  So he was without a parent from ages 14 - 19. Yikes.  You don't have to know a lot about teenagers to know that they need parents at that age.  Desperately.  And of course all I can do is speculate how he got from there to the terrible events of last Monday, but whatever happened in his life that charted this course breaks my heart.  He's someone's son, and someone's brother, and someone's friend.  From all accounts, he appeared to be a really nice kid, by those who knew him, and many were shocked that he was capable of such atrocity.

Dzhokar and his brother hurt a lot of people, and I have faith in the justice system that he will pay for his crimes.  He may feel remorse, or he may not.  Whatever poison he feeds on may have already destroyed his conscience.  I most likely will never know.  Doesn't mean I can't pray for him.

I grieve for those who are injured and have lost their lives.  I laud the first responders who worked tirelessly to keep their city safe.  Their systems appear to be absolutely flawless; they executed this beautifully.  They turned around the situation inside of four days.  That's incredible and I am in awe, and appreciation, as is the rest of the country.

I feel pretty comfortable with all the thoughts I just shared with you.  I have learned that my heart is divided into emotional chambers.  There is room for kindness, and appreciation, and compassion.  But for some reason, there is very little room for anger, and almost none for vengeance.  I don't feel those easily and they are often shoved out by sadness. And because they have such a small chamber, I feel it quickly and express it and move on.

I am not telling you this because I'm looking for affirmation.  I'm not telling you this because I need to be reassured.  I don't want you to tell me that I'm anything special.  I am simply who God made me to be.  And I live my convictions pretty loudly for one reason:  Jesus loved everyone and He told me to as well.

I tell you all this because all of that empathy gets me into a lot of trouble.  Man.  Some people do not like the construction of my heart.  And maybe because I don't get angry, they assume that I don't get hurt.  They would be very, very wrong.

I just spent 15 minutes sobbing in the captain's arms after I received a hate-filled message from a facebook friend, in which he swore at me and told me, among other things, that I'm what's wrong with America.  I've been called many names in my life, and I know I'm a liberal progressive.  I know sometimes people mean that as an insult, and I've taken it that way when expressed as such.  But I sort of love being that, you know.

I love politics.  I think that civil discourse actually leads to resolution.  Not always, but often enough that the conversations are worth having.  I realize that I put myself out there.  It's worth it.  So many people have taught me so many things.  Knowing a lot of different kinds of people has forced me to be more tolerant.  I plan to continue having those conversations in the future, so here's what I want you to know:  You are free to leave.  No one is obligated to be my friend, either in real life or virtually.  If I am a negative influence in your life, please, please walk away before you hurt me.  I'm not saying this because I am being a baby.  I felt critically attacked several times this week, and I really don't want to do it again.  I will miss you, but I respect your decision.  If you don't believe me, ask the number of people who have previously taken advantage of this invitation.  No hard feelings, baby.  No regrets.  (Wait.  Never mind.  You get my point.)

Seriously, no apologies.  I hope I don't make things worse.  I sure like you people and my life would be so much different, and so much more boring without you.  Please keep sharing your thoughts and challenging me.  You make me better.  Thank you from the bottom of my emotional heart.

Prayer of St. Francis

In this election season, and in all the turmoil of this world, this prayer has been coming to me over and over.  So over and over I repeat it and remind myself what things are most important.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Separation of Church and State

In an online conversation a few months ago, when she felt like she had me against the wall she laid a trap: "Don't you want a Christian president?!"

I've been mulling that over.  And I can't decide if you will attack me for this position or not.  Maybe you know me well enough by now.  The good thing?  I know myself well enough.  I feel really comfortable with the hard questions, and after a lot of deliberation, this one is no different. 

Do I want a Christian president?

Meh.  Not important, really.  Look.  The past 44 presidents have been Christians (I think?).  In our history, we've had plenty of presidential scandal, right?  Wars that were based on greed.  Marital infidelity.  Stealing land and natural resources from people just because we could.  Because they had something -- land, resources, that we wanted.  Authorization to occupy countries to protect "our" investment in oil, and diamonds, and other valuable resources.  We've had presidents who were married, and single, and divorced.

Here's the thing -- while I am a very proud follower of Jesus' teachings, I don't think that Christians have a monopoly on morality.  The longer I live and the more people I meet, the more I realize that we're all basically the same.  We're mostly inherently good.  My friend Beth, an atheist, is one of the most generous and accepting people I know.  I have friends who are Jewish, and Muslim, and Buddhist.  I have friends of many sects of Christianity.  And mostly, they're good.  And the ones that aren't as kind, well, some of those folks are Christians too.

I want the president to be honest.  And kind.  And care more for The People than him or herself.  I want the president to place value in hard work and education and caring for the less fortunate.  I want him or her to place less importance on a dollar, and more importance on humanity.  I want the president to love peace, and reject evil.  And choose diplomacy first. 

And wherever they draw their sense of right and wrong from, I pray that they are wise and good.  That's what's important to me.

Legacy

I have a card I love.  It's funny.  It says, "They say you must learn something new every day.  That's not true.  I don't learn something new every day; I even forget stuff some days."

This week was not one of those.  This week will go down as one of those weeks where I learned more than I wanted to. I cried more than I wanted to. I felt more than I usually do.  And it wasn't funny.

My sister-in-law lost her 23-year-old brother in a tragic car accident a week ago.  I didn't know him, but I know his family.  My sweet sister-in-law and my kind and loving brother.  Their kids.  Her mother.  All these people torn by grief and loss.  I was surrounded by sad young people who lost their good friend. 

I am a Relationships Person.  I genuinely love the people in my life, and I like to have conversations and spend real time with them.  I am absolutely facinated by people, and I want to learn how each of them work and why.  And, selfishly, I want to learn how I can affect their lives positively.  I am not perfect.  I am not always a good friend.  I hurt people, sometimes accidently, and sometimes on purpose.  Luckily, I believe in forgiveness as much as I believe in kindness, as do the many forgiving people around me.

You find you are made up of bits and pieces of all who have ever touched your life
and you are more because of them.

It sounds so cliche, but this week, more than any other, I am reminded that each of us are going to leave a legacy. At this man's funeral, it was so clear that he was kind and positive and affected each person he touched in a beautiful way.  And life is so unbelievably fragile.  I encourage you to dig deep and think about your legacy.  How you want to be remembered.  How you can affect lives around you and make the world a better place. 

Like I said, I didn't know Tyler.  But I still owe him a nod of thanks, for being such a great person and for reminding me to be one too, to the very best of my ability, and by the grace of God.

Be kind.

Merry Christmas!

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Luke 2:8-12

And the Traditions Winner is...

...my childhood friend and dear cousin, Liz!  Watch your mail, girl!

I wish I could send each and every one of you something special for sharing your holiday traditions and memories with me.  It was absolutely positively my favorite blog post ever.  I will go back and read those over and over.  Advent calendars, holiday food, the anticipation and excitement...delicious.  Thank you a thousand times over for sharing!

For those of you who commented on my blog for the first time, thank you.  It was a delight to hear from you...feel free to comment anytime!

I wish you a blessed holiday with nothing but happiness and love.  And tradition.  God bless.

Giveaway

This drawing has been postponed until tomorrow.  Momma had a crazy busy day.  Thanks for understanding!

Don't forget to comment on this post to be entered for my Christmas gift giveaway tomorrow.  What's the prize, you ask?  I have absolutely no idea.  Something I love at the holidays.  To be revealed tomorrow (I hope you sleep tonight in anticipation!).

Life is Fragile

I have drafted a wonderful post about tradition, which I will post later this week.

On my mind tonight, however, is how fragile life is.  Two weeks ago, I attended the funeral of a friend's husband.  They married in 2004 and adopted a little boy the same age as Jack, as well as are raising a 10 year old stepdaughter.  She had the life so many dream of...a husband, a young family.  Then, in a moment, at 40 years old, he died of a massive heart attack.  And her life changes forever. 

Today, we are mourning the loss of my brother's wife's dad.  He died unexpectedly this afternoon in a tragic accident.  He's 60, surely retirement was in his near future.  And while I didn't know him well, I know my brother and my sister-in-law.  And I know how close they are as a family.  And its impossible to not put myself in their situation and know the grief I would feel if I lost someone that close to me.  And my heart aches.

So, while I'm celebrating the holiday season, I'm also remembering those who have to deal with loss, now and in the past.  And in the midst of their celebrations, must feel tremendous vacancies for their loved ones.  If you are one of them, my prayers are with you.

Life is fragile, be kind.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am insanely grateful for so many blessings in my life.  I'll give you a Thanksgiving thankful list as they pop into my head.  :)

1.  My parents, my siblings, my inlaws.  My kids.  My co-mom.  My family.
2.  Cheese.
3.  Sleeping in.
4.  Jesus Christ.
5.  Kindergarten and preschool.  Teachers.
6.  Summer.
7.  New, renewed, and timeless relationships.
8.  Jen, and my childcare swap.
9.  My husbands' job.  The other firefighters.
10. Business.
11. Twitter and Facebook.
12. The Ellen Show.
13. Prime time television.
14. Couch to 5k.
15. Knowledgable doctors.
16. Peanut butter and chocolate.
18. Laughter.
19. The color green.
20. My good health.
21. Paying it forward.
22. Grace.
23. Omertà.
24. Solitude.
25. Love.
Edited to add an important 26. Employment.  Prayers for those of you looking for work.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.  God bless you now and forever.

Friendship

I have been given many gifts in my life.  None of them compares to the gift of friendship.  My life is so full of amazing relationships:

A friend willing to help me out at a moment's notice.  Without even asking for it.  Who doesn't take no for an answer, and I feel no guilt because I know she wants to.

A friend spending hours and hours and hours talking about life.  About stuff that matters, and stuff that doesn't. 

A friend so loyal it actually makes my heart hurt.

One who accepts my gifts without question, because she has to.

One who loves my children as much as she does her own.

One woman who gets me.  Who has the same world views and spirituality.  A gift beyond measure, to be understood.

A friend who shares.  Who allows me to share back. 

A group of friends, a safehouse, a hiding spot, where I never doubt that I am loved. 

One who does not judge me, but challenges me. 

Friends who allow me to help them buy or sell a home. It's my business, but it's your life.

A friend who reaches out.  One who I thought was disinterested.  And yet, we add value to each others' lives by being there.

A friend who thinks of me.  Without strings or expectations, simply because she cares.

One who makes me laugh until I cannot catch my breath.

One who admires me, even if there is nothing admirable in my character.  Who respects me, who believes in me.

I could not make it without you.  If you found yourself in there, then I am grateful for you.  Thank you for being kind to me, my friend.

Peace.

To start out a new week -- and take a little break from the recipes -- I thought I'd post something topical.  I recognize that this is a hot topic, and I know the opposing side of my argument.  Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments, as always.

We've been having a bit of a conflict in the US of A.  Well, we've been having a few, but this is the one I want to talk about.  In case you've been living under a rock, I thought I'd inform you that there is a group of Americans who want to build a Muslim community center in Manhattan.  The proposed site is near Ground Zero, and many Americans think it's disprespectful to the memory of the lives lost to build it near the place of the September 11 attacks.  Truth is, there was a mosque there previously (as well Muslim religious facilities within the Twin Towers themselves). 

The argument has become: does religious freedom exist in America?  "Tasteful" or otherwise, the project has been deemed perfectly legal.  The outcome is yet undetermined. The funds aren't even in place to actually build the community center, and the plan isn't to construct it in the immediate future.  But, in my humble opinion, that's not the real issue.  The issue is whether or not we're assuming that all Muslims are terrorists.  It turns out that a great many Americans are making that assumption.

Then, just before September 11 of this year, a pastor in Florida by the name of Terry Jones tried to start a "holiday" called National Burn a Quran Day.  Luckily, he called it off, but not before he posed as a Christian representative to the rest of the world.  If the terrorists are a case of extreme Islam, then Pastor Jones is surely an example of extreme Christianity.  And I feel sad about that image.  I realize that most Christians don't feel the way Pastor Jones does, but with the press he received and the attention we all gave him...it validated his opinion.  So loving, isn't it...burning another person's holy book?  So kind, isn't it...spewing that kind of hatred for an entire group of people?

I've always maintained that one of President Obama's major accomplishments has been restoring our reputation in the world.  I think he is a great diplomat, and the rest of the world listens.  In the midst of the controversy, he made a statement (in part, please feel free to seek out the entire speech):

But let me be clear. As a citizen, and as president, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America. And our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable. The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country and that they will not be treated differently by their government is essential to who we are. The writ of the Founders must endure.

Last week, out of the blue, I got an email from a friend of mine in Denmark.  She and I have recently become reacquainted and I assume she knew little of my political opinions prior to this email.  When I asked her if I could post her email on my blog her response was:  "Go ahead and post it, whatever it takes to change the mind of just one person ;-)"

So. Here it is. Enjoy.

"By the way, I wanted to congratulate you on your president (Obama) again! I heard parts of his speech on 9/11 - or the day before - in which he insisted that we should not fight muslims but terrorists and that if you could build a church or a synagogue, then you could build a mosque as well. I really do believe that he is doing a HUGE leap for world peace saying those things. People in the entire world listens to what he is saying, and I know that for the many Muslims in Europe, this is so important. Especially the young Muslims here, when they become teenagers they often get this "who-am-I?" feeling, because they realize they are not REALLY turks (or whereever their parents come from) and if they feel excluded from the West as well, their only identity is being fundamental, extreme Muslims. However, when Obama says those things about being equal, I think they feel welcome and included and part of the society they live in. And it is strange, that what the American president says has this effect on Europeans - but that's just the way it is :-)"

So don't take it from me.  Take it from my sweet friend in Europe, who offers us another perspective and gives us something else to mull over.  We are not the only citizens of the world.  I think we'd do ourselves a service by looking outside of our own lives and loving everyone.  And as Christians, let our light truly shine.  Not only when it's painless and comfortable, but all the time.  Instead of carrying around signs of protest that speak of hatred and fear, can we not reach out with love?  Especially in a time when the world is fragile and people are hurting...can we not seek out peace?

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:15-16

Tree Hug

For in the true nature of things, if we rightly consider, every green tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold and silver.
-- Martin Luther

The Spiritual Series Part VI

Christianity

Possibly the only thing more difficult for me to write about than Politics is Religion. And yet, those two things likely occupy (at least) 50% of my thought process. Honestly, not an exaggeration . And for what I think are pretty obvious reasons, I avoid this topic most of the time. With the knowledge that this conversation might be for naught (or might hurt me), I still feel drawn to share with you my lastest musings on the complicated, controversial topic of religion as it applies to my life today.

I am at peace who I am spiritually. For most of you who know me, my path has been…well, hard. I’ve had to dig deep and trust fully that God was leading me where He wanted me to go. Repeatedly in my life, my prayer has been “show me your way.” And then, I’ve never had any reason to doubt where my feet have landed. “Ask and ye shall receive,” right? (Do not confuse for “at peace” with “without doubts.” I’d like to meet any person who doesn’t question who they are or what they believe in…)

Christianity is defined as “followers of the life and teachings of Jesus.” I believe, with all my heart, that I am this. That Jesus was here and He loved deeply and wholly. And while we’re not like Jesus, we have an obligation to try. I heard a woman on a KTIS a couple months back. She was telling a story about how she had run out of gas on the freeway and a highway officer came to her assistance. He brought her gas and sent her on her way. In her haste, she didn’t thank him. Her quote, as I recall it, was, “He was JESUS for me today, and I didn’t even say Thank You!” And I went, YEP. He WAS JESUS. Because He’s not just someone who lived. He’s someone who LIVES. So every time you reach out to someone in need, or take care of someone, or pray for them, or take care of the Earth and the animals and all that God made, you are BEING Jesus for someone. I like to think of it as the literal translation to how the spirit still works today.

THIS is my most important mission. What’s to follow in this blog post is less important than any of the above (and includes my own personal grievances), but I’m on a roll. Indulge me.

Obviously, I differ from most Christians politically. To say that this is a difficulty would be a gross understatement. And because both politics and religion are such an important part of my life (see paragraph 1), they’re constantly intertwined. And conflicted.

Glenn Beck is a conservative talk show host. On his talk show last week, he was talking to a caller. I’m going to paraphrase, because I couldn’t find the means (or desire) to go back and listen to the whole program:

Caller: These…people…with these kinds of ideas…

Beck (interjecting): Liberals.

Caller: Yes. Well, they’re really against the Heavenly Father.

Beck: Yes. They are. But you don’t have to worry about them. You get behind Him and do His work.

Conflicted. In a single breath, one of the most listened-to conservative talk-show hosts in the world just said I’m against the Heavenly Father. Not only that, but the whole LOT of us is against God. It broke my heart to hear this clip from his show. Because I could imagine all of his listeners (some of my friends among them), nodding their head in silent agreement.

How can I make this argument? How can I convince you that I am Liberal because I am a Christian? That I think that Jesus loved so deeply all people that he would have done anything for them? That my heart is torn and pulled because you think that because I’m a Liberal, I must not be “behind the Heavenly Father.” Oh, Glenn. You hurt my feelings.

(and off topic, but relevant…when did we start believing that ONLY Christians have a moral compass? That anyone who doesn’t believe in God must then want human beings to suffer and must not have the best interests of Americans at heart…? I’m not so bold as to suggest that my non-religious (or other-religious friends) are anything less than wonderful, strong, loving, caring people.  Especially in politics. I see no reason why a non-Christian Senator would be inclined to do harm to the country he or she has vowed to serve.)

At the end of this day, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you love me or if you understand my heart. But I want you to. I want you to know that I love all people and that I love God. And that I understand the space I occupy on his earth to be so small that it seems to be almost unimportant. I know it’s my pride (ack,sin), but I want you to know this anyway.

I was driving in my car yesterday and was thinking about what kind of newspaper Jesus would read were he still with us on Earth. If he were sitting next to me in my car, would he be ashamed of me? Would he be proud? Would he be sad about the dissention among us…the constant judgment of one another? Would he care that a huge oil company – in order to serve its own (and its shareholders’) needs – spilled an enormous amount of toxic oil into the water He created and killed untold numbers of sea creatures, and eleven human beings? Would He be disappointed that we are turning our heads on people in this very country who are hungry every day? Or would He just pay attention to stories like this one from my aunt’s blog (so heartwarming!)…would be only be interested in the human interest stories in which we help each other?

I don’t pretend to know the answer to any of those; although I suspect I’ll ask Him in one day. And whatever the answers are then, I hope I used my opportunities well. And that, regardless of what Glenn Beck thinks of me, I’ll have answered my call correctly. My humblest and most sincere prayer.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I’ll welcome your thoughts, as always.

God be with you.

Thoughtful Boy!

I told you before, that Matthew is our thinker.

And today, my heart could hardly handle it when we had this conversation:

We were in the car, listening to music and the song had the lyrics, "I have Jesus in my heart."

Matthew: "Mom, when I go to Heaven with Jesus, will I live in your heart?"

Yes, my dear son, you will. Now stop talking like that. You're making your momma weepy.

Katie is our church's youth director.  She's amazing.  She knows all of the kids' names and has tons of energy and really good lessons for them.  Awhile ago, as part of her Kids' Time lesson, she was telling the children that when they get upset, they should take a deep breath and then say to themselves, "God is with me." 

He took a pretty big digger on Sunday.  We cleaned and bandaged up his wound, but he couldn't calm down.  I was holding him on my lap and asking him to take deep breaths.  He found the will to do so, but imagine my suprise (and joy!) when after a couple deep breaths, he said, quietly..."God is with me." 

Always, Matthew.  He is always with you.

Community

Yesterday, I had the wound from my neuroma surgery drained.  Today, Cory had plans to go to a Twins game with some of the Plymouth firefighters.  So, my sister in law agreed to help me with the kids while he was gone (but then sent me a text that my in-laws had stopped by her house and were taking them home with them to have dinner...I have the BEST family!).

Cory met the other guys at Matt's house for the game.  Another firefighter, Chuck, left me a voicemail a couple hours ago:  Hi, Leanne, it's Chuck.  Hey, just saw your husband over at Matt's house and heard you had surgery.  Just wanted to let you know that I'm around all day as duty officer, and if you need anything at all, just call.

Community.

When I called Chuck back, I was saying to him that I really want to take the boys to Ft. Snelling on Monday.  All of Cory's grandparents are buried there, and the rugrats are at a great age to start talking to them about honor and sacrifice and patriotism.  I told Chuck that if I rest for a couple days, I should be up to taking them there!  We started talking about what an amazing place Ft. Snelling is and it's good to go pay our respects (Chuck also served in the military: God bless him.).

We started talking about community.  How years ago, everyone needed their neighbors.  I feel like we've become isolationists in so many ways, and in days prior, people leaned on their communities more.  And I realized, in that moment, that I am so in love with my firefighter family for that reason.  In it, Community is very much alive.  As evidenced by a phone call from a "family member" saying, "Hey, I heard you're laid up, let me know if you need me."  You know, like the olden days.

Someday, when the rugrats are men, and they call the wife of a friend who is laid-up and offer their help, I will know that I did my job. May my boys learn the value of Community at a young age and always remember that a man is more valuable when he doesn't stand alone.

And on Memorial Day weekend, a time we set aside to honor men and women who truly understood this concept, I say a prayer that my boys remember, respect, and maintain strong community always.  Amen.

Righto, Mr. President.

"You know, there's a lot of talk in this country about the federal deficit. But I think we should talk more about our empathy deficit -- the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; to see the world through the eyes of those who are different from us -- the child who's hungry, the steelworker who's been laid-off, the family who lost the entire life they built together when the storm came to town. When you think like this -- when you choose to broaden your ambit of concern and empathize with the plight of others, whether they are close friends or distant strangers -- it becomes harder not to act; harder not to help."


- Barack Obama

Health Care Reform: The Final Post

The healthcare bill passed both the house and the senate and the president signed it into law this week.  In it, insurance companies can no longer discriminate nor charge more for people with pre-existing conditions.  You cannot be dropped if you get sick.  You can stay on your parents' insurance until you're 26.  In 2014, you'll have to buy insurance, but if the you cannot afford it, the government will help you subsidize it.  At that time, there will also be exchanges where small businesses can pool together and purchase later group plans for their employees, thereby getting better rates and better coverage.

These are a few of the positives in this bill.  I really wanted to see a public option (no surprise), so that the insurance companies would have some real competition and be forced to keep their rates reasonable. 

The backlash against this bill has been overwhelming.  Do you know that if you write in all caps it's the virtual equivalent of yelling?  Perhaps you meant to, but man, my ears hurt.

Here are the things I've really been wanting to say.  (Disclaimer: When I use "you," it's not directed at anyone in particular.  And it's not directed at all the opposers of the bill.  I have many intelligent, informed friends with legitimate arguments against health care reform.  I have had a few very civil conversations with those friends this week that helped me understand parts of the other side of the argument.  This is directed at those who are angry, but haven't read the bill.  Who are angry, but are misinformed.  I am sorry if I offend anyone.  My intention is to get it out of my head.  And to finalize the many posts I've had this year about this subject.)

1.  I get it, you're upset.  You don't agree philosophically with this bill, and you're angry about it passing.  I even know all of your arguments (too much government, how will our health care system support all these new patients, costs too much money, health care insurance isn't a right, it's a privilege, etc.).  Then get involved.  I spent a lot of time this past year learning, and listening, and acting.  I am a little bit in love with democracy, because we really do get to make our voice heard.  Don't just complain; DO something. 

2.  It passed.  Do not say, "Shame on you, government, for not listening to the people."  My government listened to me.  And to millions of other Americans who were ready for health care reform.  Millions of Americans voted for Obama, and he campaigned largely on this platform.  We knew when we voted that he was going to work for this change.  I think it's unfair to say that the government didn't work for the people. There are millions of Americans who are going to be healthier because of this bill.  Many Americans will now be able to avoid financial ruin because of this bill.  Their government listened to them.

3.  I do not understand the "government takeover" argument.  I don't.  We don't have a single-payer system.  There isn't even a public option.  There is some regulation of the government over an industry that could care less about the welfare of human beings.  In my humble opinion, it's the government's job to protect us from sharks, and for this regulation I am thankful.

4.  I do NOT understand the violence.  I read this op-ed earlier this week and I wanted to throw up.  The amount of fear and anger I've been surrounded by this week is overwhelming.  For people to scream at a man with Parkinson's disease at a Tea Party rally last weekend, and protestors screaming slurs at US Congresspeople as they went to vote.  As of today, ten Democrats have reported threats and violence at their offices.  Broken windows, threatening messages.  Out. of. control. 

You don't need me to reiterate how I feel about violence of this sort.  I've done enough posts on fear and how it affects us (and I've now labeled all my posts, so if you want to know how I feel about it, it's easy to find).

I'm going to be done talking about it now.  It started as a hypothetical and went through the process.  It was a serious debate, and there was a vote.  It's the law now.  I am hoping that as things settle down and all of the details become available, people will be more comfortable.

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger, and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison, and you came to visit me.

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirst and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Matthew 25:35-40

Peace and love.

The Blue Lotus

I love the blue lotus.  Every day, but especially on Mondays.  *happy sigh*

Check Yo'self.

I have been wrestling with myself the past couple weeks.  Like, a lot.  And I appreciate this exercise, because I know I'm going to learn something, but man, it's so painful!  Nothing worse than looking at the insides of your own character flaw.

Here's the thing: do I have to share every thought, every concern with the entire world?  Are my thoughts and viewpoints so important that it's worth hurting someone's feelings? 

I lost a facebook friend.  Sometime between January 2009 and March 2010.  She's not someone I have a lot of contact with now, so I didn't notice when she deleted me.  But we used to be good friends.  She is hilarious and kind and I loved her then.  And I'm 99.5% sure I know why she deleted me; she doesn't see the world the same way I see it (ie she's conservative; I'm liberal).  And you know what?  That was the right thing to do...delete me.  If I don't make you happy, or add something to your life, there is no purpose being my friend.  Absolutely.  But it still stung, because I know that I offended her. 

I'm not delusional.   I'd be willing to bet that a large percentage of my Facebook friends have me hidden in their newsfeed.  And I have no problem with that...I have a few hidden as well.  We wouldn't sit around in real life and listen to the opinions of others who are opposite of ours, and there's no reason to do it virtually, either.  C'est la vie.

On a discussion on another friend's wall this week, I told someone to "check themselves."  And it made me think that this might be a good time to check *myself.*  So I spent a few days really exploring it.  Talking to a couple people that I really trust, and spending time praying about it.  My prayer always consists of, "Let me do Your work."  I want to make sure that I'm only spending time on things that really matter, things that matter to humanity.  I want to make sure that my ego doesn't get in the way.  So that when I lose a friend (it'll happen again!), I'll know that it didn't happen because I stopped respecting other opinions or that my pride got in the way.

I sent a text to a mutual friend once I realized she had deleted me.  I said to her that "maybe I should keep my bloody mouth shut once in awhile".  She said, "Well either stop talking about things you find important and just agree with everyone all the time or keep putting urself out there, yes youll get knocked around but at least ur you!"  Thank you, sweet friend.  I really needed that. 

It's complicated, exposing ourselves.  For what reason do I find the need to share everything?  I hope the answer is: because it helps more people than it hurts.  And when it doesn't, I pray that I have the grace to shut my bloody mouth. 

Have a great week!